[NRS] May angle sar te merel kadi yag.[1464]

May angle sar te merel kadi yag. ~ Before this fire burns out. (Romani Oath)

:: April 23, 1464 - The Síscealta Tearmann, Southampton, England ::

Hidden inside the golden tent, her hands shook as she gripped tightly onto a table, trying to force herself to breathe. The air did not come easily as her chest heaved. The hyperventilating was paired with tears that streamed down her pale face to fall on the parchments below. The tent was hushed, the only sound being her gasping, for she was the only one inside. The outside world ceased to exist in that moment while it felt like her heart had been ripped from the chest. Her mind reeled, failing to understand what had all transpired, yet her heart knew all too well what had happened. With a yell, quite unlike herself, she swung her hands across the table, sending parchments and bottles scattering across the tent. A heart wrenching sob shook through her and she collapsed onto the floor.

How could this happen?

The Romani queen remained in the tent for a long while. Time was at a standstill for her while the world outside awaited for the woman to emerge. In this tent, it was the only place she could truly be by herself - for only the phuri were allowed to enter or those who she had personally invited. It was a place for the most secret and private discussions and to enter otherwise would derive great punishment. And in this moment, even the phuri let her be.

Eventually, her chin came to lift from her tear-soaked knees. Her breathing was more regular, with the occasion quiver, and her eyes had dried. Feeling empty, she rose a trembling hand to wipe any remaining tears from her flushed cheeks and swollen eyes. Slowly, she came to stand up, trying to piece together the strong leader she was supposed to be instead of this weak, broken woman. After all, it was being that leader that had brought this upon her. She ran a hand through her wild curls and straightened her chin. Where was her dignity? Her self respect? Perhaps it was gone, she debated. Perhaps she gave it all up hours before hand with the heartbreaking decision she had made.

Shaking her head to herself, Lillian once again gripped the table. No, that couldn't be true. She had done what any ruler would have done in her spot. In fact, she thought herself merciful. She clenched her jaw, holding in a scoff at herself. Merciful? No. How could this be mercy? They still breathed, but mercy? This could not be it. For surely, a merciful queen would have found a better solution. A merciful queen would have ignored the laws and done what her heart said.

But, she had not.

She had obeyed the laws of her people. Upheld them as the pillar of her community, like she was meant to. And in the end, in this moment, it has left her as a shattered queen. An echo of who she was yesterday. Was she suddenly such an evil person? Family was family. And yet... Laws were laws.

Inhaling sharply, she gave her head a heavy shake. She wasn't evil. She knew they would have done the same if it were reversed... Wouldn't they have?

It took all her strength to wall up her heart. Trying to turn porcelain into steel was no easy task when the porcelain was now in pieces. Yet, she tried. Whether she was successful or not, she did not truly know for all she felt was numb at this point. Biting her lip, she released the table. Slowly, she moved forward towards the entrance. With each step, she felt the heart of Lily grow further away with the heart of a queen take its place. The world waited for her... Her natsia waited for her.

The Kralisi pushed the fabric aside and stepped out into the evening air. Crowds of her people gathered around, any quiet chatter instantly dropping as their heads turned towards her. She knew the evidence of her heartbreak remained on her tearstained cheeks as she continued towards a fire. Stepping onto an overturned crate, she cleared her throat and began her address to the Romani people.

My people... We are here today for no good purpose. Today is a day of loss. Today is a day of mourning. Today is a day of the law. With the power of Kralisi and my birthright to this throne, I have declarations to make.

She was forced to take a pause to keep her voice from quivering. In this moment, she had to appear strong and united behind her decision. Afterwards, she could cry well into the night if her aching heart so wished. She just had to say it. With a steadying breath, she continued.

From henceforth, Jenibelle Adara DeRazia-Morel Alarie O’Brien and Friria Kisaiya MacAle Carylon Charbonneau banished. Annalese Drina DeRazia-Morel is exiled. Whitley Tasaria MacAle Carylon Charbonneau and Kazzia Beti Grace de Razia Morel Alarie Llewellynn are no longer a part of this natsia.

Again, her heart was shattered. How was it possible for it to hurt this bad? Holding herself together by some strength she didn't know she possessed, her honey gold eyes moved over the crowd of faces.

Tonight, we mourn the loss of our family. Cry. Drink. Speak their names. Remember. For come sunlight, we cannot. Come sunlight, we must let them go. We burn what's left of them or give it away and we keep moving forward. We all feel this loss. I feel this loss. It burns within my chest with a pain unlike any other. I mourn with you.

Trying to keep her hand steady, she withdrew five folded letters. Each were a letter by those she named, written in their hand to her, at some point in time. One by one, she released the parchment into the fire before her. Numbly, she watched as the flames licked around the letters, devouring the words of love. An eerie silence sat over the grounds of Síscealta Tearmann as if everyone was holding their breath to listen to the fire.

With the letters turning to ash, her golden eyes rose up and this time, she withdrew a blade. The silence grew heavy with anticipation. She, too, felt as if she were holding her own breath as she grabbed a fistful of her famous, blonde curls. With a slight tremble of the hand, the blade sliced effortlessly through her hair. Tears filled her big eyes as she tossed the curls into the flames, a matching tremble in her voice.

I mourn with you. I cut my hair in mourning, with a broken heart from this devastating situation.

Again, she grabbed another several locks and cut them, giving them to the fire. The tears flowed freely as she displayed her loss so openly for all to see. She repeated this until her long curls were gone, her hair left above her shoulders. To some, it was just hair. Yet, it was an aspect of who she was. It was something she was known for and something that was a part of her. However, it only felt right to shed that part of her persona and let it grow anew. With the deed done, her fingers gripped around the blade's handle tightly at her side.

Tomorrow, when I rise, I will greet the day of new beginnings and with the strength of each of you at my side. We are the Nevimos Rarti Satarma Natsia. So long as we have each other, we will stand tall. Even in the darkest of night, we are not alone. I am honoured to be your Kralisi.

Hands shaking, she climbed down from the makeshift stage. She was immediately faced by her grandmother, her own honey eyes filled to the brim with tears.. A rare sight. Lillian clenched her jaw, pulling away from her predecessor's touch. Instead, she leaned in with a hiss, I blame you, Efta Curaco Kralisi.

With that, she turned away with the blade still in her tight grasp in search of a the strongest whiskey she could find. Today, she lost family and close friends... Including her sister.

The Síscealta Tearmann ~ "The Sanctuary of Fairytales", an O'Brien estate belonging to Lily in Southampton, where the main part of the NRS nation lives - either inside the manor or in the large vardo camp on the grounds
Natsia ~ Nation
Kralisi ~ Queen
Nevimos Rarti Satarma Natsia ~ "Novelty Night Star Nation", the name of the Romani nation under Lily's rule (NRS for short)
Efta Curaco Kralisi ~ "Seven Raven Queen", the title of Lily's predecessor and grandmother, Alais Lilly DeRazia-Morel Alarie

** Admin note: there are more posts but this is the one that pertains to those of us O'Brien that are on this site. That is why I kept this post from RK.